For clarification, boundaries are not about telling the other person what to do, but saying what you will do.
Ferinstance: “Because I was frightened by a Ninja Turtle on a Wednesday, green really scares me on that day. You’re not allowed to wear green pajamas on Wednesday” isn’t setting a boundary. That’s giving an order.
”Because I was frightened by a Ninja Turtle on Wednesday, green really scares me on that day. I can’t be in a relationship with someone who wears green pajamas on a Wednesday” is setting a boundary. It’s not giving an order, but is saying what you want in your life.
It may seem subtle but it’s really HUGE.
Kathryn Bigelow, director of The Hurt Locker, is the only woman EVER to win a Best Director Oscar. Only 4 women have ever been nominated. Women made up only 6% of Directors for the top movies of 2013. There were NO female nominees for directing, cinematography, film editing, writing (original screenplay), or music (original score) during last year’s Academy Awards.
History is not a long series of centuries in which men did all the interesting/important things and women stayed home and twiddled their thumbs in between pushing out babies, making soup and dying in childbirth.
History is actually a long series of centuries of men writing down what they thought was important and interesting, and FORGETTING TO WRITE ABOUT WOMEN. It’s also a long series of centuries of women’s work and women’s writing being actively denigrated by men. Writings were destroyed, contributions were downplayed, and women were actively oppressed against, absolutely.
But the forgetting part is vitally important. Most historians and other writers of what we now consider “primary sources” simply didn’t think about women and their contribution to society. They took it for granted, except when that contribution or its lack directly affected men.
This does not in any way mean that the female contribution to society was in fact less interesting or important, or complicated, simply that history—the process of writing down and preserving of the facts, not the facts/events themselves—was looking the other way.
I will be at the LA Times Festival Of Books!
April 12 - 13
Join me and @saalon on the USC campus! We’ll be shilling our books (#CowfaceAndOtherHilariousStoriesAboutDeath, #TheBloodRoom, and #BrokenMagic), giving out candy and bookmarks, and most likely insulting each other for fun and profit! Booth 157 - hope to see you there!
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
*Music* by Charlie Chaplin
*Lyrics* by John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons
Composers are amazing - but don’t forget the writers!